September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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