I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize