my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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