Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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