I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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