So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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