dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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