I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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