oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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