So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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