she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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