im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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