I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize