Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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