I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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