Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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