I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize