We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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