you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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