I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize