I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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