You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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