so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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then he tried to convert me to islam
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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