batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
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it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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