I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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