You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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