I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
COCAINE IS GR8
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