Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize