He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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