I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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