Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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