These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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