in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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