You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize