I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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