Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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