I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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