I'm eating all of the evidence.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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