she was so not down for the gang bang
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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