If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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