Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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