who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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