well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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