you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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