I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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