remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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