even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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