Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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