allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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