She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize