If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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