I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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